WOMEN/MEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH
&
CONQUESTORS
Some men are conquestors. You know the type. They blow into your life, sweep you off your feet & then they're gone. Sometimes with no email or phone call as to why they left. It's as if they are in it for the game & could care less about your deep feelings. The problem is that now you are left with an emotional mess to deal with. You are left sitting there wondering 'how did this happen'? Or you are sitting there imagining they will come back & be your knight in shining armor again.
So how do we kick the conquestors out of our lives for good? How do we spot them before they reek havoc on our emotional & sometimes financial lives?
The problem as I see it is that we are not truly 'in the moment' when we first meet the conquestor. We are in an alternate romantic reality in our minds. We are in a state of 'I think he's just like the knight in shining armor in my head' instead of 'he's REALLY like THIS & it is NOT just like the knight in shining armor in my head'. Can you see the difference?
The trick is to realize that NO ONE will perfectly match the knight in shining armor in your head. But your THINKING THAT HE DOES is the beginning of falling for the conquestor.
Why do you think the Cinderella with the glass slipper stories are so popular? It's because humans have a genetic propensity to dream state desire that reality. It's in our genetic coding. Sometimes we have to trump our genetic coding to see reality more clearly.
One way to spot the conquestor BEFORE he ruins your life is to carefully match his actions compared to the words that come out of his mouth. Watch for red flags. Any action he does that you would not do in your own life is a red flag. I REPEAT: ANY ACTION HE DOES THAT YOU WOULD NOT DO IS A RED FLAG. Don't be forgiving here. This is usually right where the trouble starts & the slippery slope begins. I had a friend who married a guy she met on the internet. She knew him a grand total of 3 days in person...3 DAYS IN PERSON...before she married him. I begged her to wait at least 30 days to get to know him BEFORE she married him. A week after they were married they both went grocery shopping. He was walking ahead of her to their truck & she was walking with the grocery cart & the grocery clerk. When they got in the truck he screamed at her 'What did you say to him?!!!' in a jealous rage! If ONLY she had waited that 30 days. 5 months later he was gone after nearly completely destroying her life. Once he had 'conquested' her was when the trouble began. If she had spotted the red flags before the wedding bells the trouble would have been averted. He was the knight in shining armor in her head.
An even more insidious conquestor is the one who leaves you madly in love & keeps you on a string forever. I have a friend who's friend lives here in the US & her husband is overseas in the military. But he has NEVER been faithful the many years they have been married & has cheated on her innumerable times. He has NO intentions of EVER being faithful to her. He is still the knight in shining armor in her mind & she simply refuses to accept reality. He is purely & simply in it for the romance game & once he gets 'the prize' he is off looking for an even bigger conquest. She is the WOMAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH. Thinking he will change & him actually changing has her stuck in continuing to hope for the miracle that will never happen. Ladies, I DO believe in miracles but with conquestors the law of gravity always wins. They will always take the road of least resistance to the next conquest. If you're madly in love with a conquestor & thinking he is going to change you are only deceiving yourself & wasting your precious time here on earth.
So my hope for you is that you will spot the red flags next time before it's too late & that you will not be a woman who loves too much even if it destroys your life & sanity. Kick the conquestors out & your life will be more peaceful. Men are that way because women have allowed them to be. But that's a topic for a future article...
Wishing you much romance & happiness,
uZiSuZi
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